Biography

Well, if you want the official (boring) story (which may not be completely updated with the latest gory details), you should check out my resume. (Actually, that link won't work right now!) Otherwise you may want to check out the interview below that Rolling Stone magazine did on me. Even though it is more interesting than my resume, by the time that they were done they decided that I was still not interesting enough for their readers! Instead they ran an article on that incredible rocker Britney Spears. ( Legal Note: Continue reading only under the condition that I am not to be held responsible for wasting your time. You now have the option of returning to Gregg's homepage before it is too late and you get sucked into reading the interview!)

The interview below is a bit outdated, but still relevant. For some more recent info, click here. (This link wil also not work!)

Rolling Stone Interview With Gregg Waterman

RS: Mr. Waterman, let me begin by telling you that it cost us $50,000 to get this helicopter to fly us up here for this interview. Why do you make it so difficult for our readers to get to know you?

GW: Hey, I've got my priorities. I'm not going to miss a good day of spring skiing just to tell my story to a bunch of punks with tattoos and body piercings, and who listen to bands with with names like Sneeze 237. I mean, what ever happened to the days when bands had real names, like Moby Grape and The Flaming Groovies?

RS: Well, for one thing, those bands went out with the 60's. Maybe you should get with the times, and maybe you should try a tattoo yourself! You might like it.

GW: A few years ago I thought about getting a tattoo, some integral or something. Never did, though. It sounds too painful to me.

RS: Maybe you're just a wussy. Anyway, let's move on, and see if you can be a little more sensitive to our readers, please. What are some of the bands that you DO listen to.

GW: I listen to a lot of things, including a fair amount of classical and other instrumental music. As far as pop goes, some of my current favorites are Cracker, Grant Lee Buffalo, Beck... I could go on and on, I suppose. I am also quite fond of any Frank Zappa music without lyrics.

RS: Not the ones that have lyrics?

GW: Nope.

RS: What are you doing these days?

GW: I teach math at the Oregon Institute of Technology. I try to lead people to mathematical enlightenment.

RS: And when does one know when they have become mathematically enlightened?

GW: You're really only truly mathematically enlightened when you have become one with pi and e.

RS: OKaaaayyyy... Suppose that you were not a math professor, and you could be doing whatever you wanted, what would it be?

GW: I'd be a rock star or a helicopter skiing guide.

RS: So why didn't you pursue either of those things when you were choosing a career?

GW: Well, I couldn't really ski all that well. Still can't, as a matter of fact! And I was in a band once, the Blind Diplomats from Timbuktu, but they kicked me out.

RS: Why? Did you not get along with the other band members?

GW: No, we got along fine. It's just that I can't sing or play an instrument, so they were having trouble finding a role for me.

RS: Let's change the subject a little. What's the craziest place that you have ever slept?

GW: Once I was rock climbing in Yosemite Valley, California. I took a fall and sprained a wrist and an ankle. My partners and I had to spend the night on top of the cliff. I also slept in a cardboard tube for a few nights once.

RS: A cardboard tube?

GW: Yeah, I was working construction on a big house near Steamboat, Colorado, and I didn't have any place to live. So I just slept on the job in this big cardboard tube that they pour concrete into to make huge pillars. Kind of like a big toilet paper tube.

RS: Was it comfortable? Why did you sleep in it?

GW: Heck no, it wasn't comfortable! The house that we were building was partially done, and I started out sleeping in the house. But we had to have these kerosene burners going to keep it warm, and the fumes were pretty nasty. So I just moved to the ground outside, but then it was snowing. My VW bug was a little cramped, so the tube was it.

RS: So you've done some construction work. Tell us about what other jobs you have had.

GW: In roughly the order that I did them, swimming teacher, oilfield worker, geophysicist, construction worker, ski instructor, high school teacher and swimming coach and, now, college professor.

RS: But I thought you said you weren't a good skier. How could you be a ski instructor?

GW: I taught Texans who had never been on skis before. All I had to do is be better than they were!

RS: What is perhaps the most unpleasant thing that you have done to earn money?

GW: I once pulled nails out of boards for eight hours a day. I did it two days in a row and believe me, I'd had enough by the end of the second day!

RS: What do you like to do for fun, in addition to skiing?

GW: I like to mountain bike, rock climb. I tried a little whitewater kayaking once, and really liked it. Lately I have been getting into rowing.

RS: Rowing?

GW: Yeah, you know - those long skinny boats. Check out the Olympics and you'll see people doing it.

RS: Where does one do a thing like that?

GW: Lake Ewauna, Klamath Falls of course!

RS: Are there many people that do that?

GW: A good handful, including my colleague Jim Stewart. He's a seasoned pro, I'm a rank beginner!

RS: I'm afraid we've strayed a little from the interests of our readers. I mean, I can't imagine we'll be seeing rowing in the X Games soon, alongside BMX biking and snowboarding! What kind of college student were you?

GW: That's kind of a funny one, because I have been in college three times. The first time, right out of high school, I was a lousy student. I had a triple major in foosball, hackeysack and frisbee.

RS: Did you graduate?

GW: Yeah, in four years as a matter of fact. When I found out that the college didn't really offer majors in those three things, I got one in geology instead. You see, I went to class and did my work, I just didn't go at it that hard.

RS: Since you have been in college so many times, you must have been exposed to some campus demonstrations or the like. What do you think about protest movements?

GW: Well, you know, recently I was listening to an interview with a young protestor on the public radio. This kid, he was 17, said "Hey, there are just a few anarchists that give the rest of us a bad name. If you look around, you'll see that there are a lot of anarchist groups that are very well organized." Hmmmm... sounds like an oxymoron to me!

RS: What's an oxymoron?

GW: Go look it up in the dictionary, son. I learned that word from one of my students when I was teaching high school, so a professional journalist like yourself should certainly know what it means!

RS: There you go being rude again! I think we'd better cut this interview off now. Where's that helicopter?

GW: And good riddance to you, too. I've got skiing to do!

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